we were that
by Ang1
Summary: I swore this was a one shot, and was even convinced. They were happy - but to forget the hurt he forgot that. Rated T for dealing with character death.


(AN)I was always convinced that the last one was a one-shot. Absolutely convinced. Tonight however, 'A Man Walks Into a Bar...' aired; and I cried. I still mis Kate - a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love Ziva (now), but I will always miss Kate. This came to me tonight. I also have a brief prequel to 'happy' as well if anyone is interested.

I still don't own any of these characters...(end AN)

* * *

I close the door quietly and glance at the photo on the mantle briefly. _We never got a chance to tell her. Why didn't I say something today? Why didn't I just tell her? I could have…I could…_

I pull out my phone and dial carefully. "Abs?" I whisper softly.

"Hey Tony, what's up?"

"The shrink…did she ask you about…"

I can hear her pause. "Not directly."

"You know it was Rachel?"

"Who?"

"I'll take that as a no."

"Tony, I'm coming over."

"Abs, you don't have to –

"I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Tim."

* * *

I stare out the window of the car. "I'm really worried about him McGee. This thing with the shrink, it's got him freaking out about Kate again."

I see Tim's eyebrows lift. "Abby, he hasn't mentioned her since well before he met Jeanne."

"I know that. That's why I'm freaking out. I thought he was okay. I thought he'd dealt with this."

He sighs. "Learning to live with it and dealing with it are two different things. He's changed."

"He needs to face it. He needs to work through it."

"Abs, he lost his wife."

"Without telling anyone that she was his wife. McGee, he made me hack the system and change it all back. The only thing we didn't erase was the actual wedding. He kept the marriage and made me get rid of anything her family would find."

"He did what? That's not possible; when I pulled her file it said he was her next of kin."

"And the next day he made me switch it back. He forced me to call her sister to notify her and have her come collect the remains. The only concession he made was to leave her wedding ring on that necklace."

"Abby, he was in shock. He needed to deal with it in his own way."

We pull up in front of his building and I sigh. "Then why does he still live in her apartment?"

I open the door to let them in. "Hey. Ignore the…whatever." I shake my head as McGeek sees the wedding photo. "So, what did you think of Rachel?"

Abby sits on one of the chairs. "Was that her name? How did you find out?"

I stare at her. "You don't know?" I feel my jaw tick again. "That was Kate's sister."

McGeek collapses on the couch and I claim the other end. "Seriously?"

"I tried to avoid her all day. All I could think of at first was 'if I had just taken Spain, I wouldn't have to deal with her right now'. I just…what was I supposed to say to her that would keep her from knowing. And then she…she saw the fear. I told her how alone I am. I wanted to tell her, right there: I was your sister's husband. She told me that Kate knew what I was really capable of, that that's why she was hard on me. " I look up at the mantle again. "I should have told her. She has a right to know that her sister was happy."

"Are you ready to do that?" McGeek asks softly.

"I…I don't know. I mean, she's a shrink but she's also Kate's sister. My wife was shot in front of me Tim. Clean through her head – and her sister came to NCIS today to work on getting her closure. My partner's brother shot my wife."

"Your wife?" Ziva's voice sounds from the door and I freeze. "She was your wife?"

I glance at Abby. "You left the office really quickly Tony – she was worried, so when you called, I called her."

"Why didn't you tell me that she was your wife Tony?" Ziva asks quietly, sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

"It didn't come up."

"Didn't come up? When I first arrived at NCIS, and was attempting to set in –

"Settle. You settle in."

"Whatever. It was her desk. It was her desk and you were all so upset that I was there, even if it was supposed to be temporary at the time. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't tell anyone!" I shout. "We didn't tell anyone! We made a decision, we just wanted to be able to take care of each other but we didn't get the chance because she died! She got shot, and I couldn't help her. She stayed with me when I caught the plague – plague! She was everything, and she was gone. Just gone." I look up at meet Ziva's eyes. "And then you were there. You were raw and you were everything that she hadn't been and it was easier – so much easier to just pretend that she'd never been there. That she'd never fallen asleep on the floor, or set up spa dates with Abby. That she'd never taken a bullet for Gibbs or been shot through the head. That she'd just never been there. You were there; why not just let you be there?"

"So why now, why begin to process it now?"

"Because her sister came by today. Rachel has the same hair flip and the same smirk and god her eyes…" I lean back into the couch. "She has Katie's eyes. Or they have the same eyes…Kate was the baby of the family; whatever."

"Tony…" McGeek trails off quietly.

"She's not coming back, is she?" I ask softly, glancing up at the photo. "I think somehow I thought that if I just didn't think about it she'd come back. She wouldn't even leave the room after they determined I was infected and she wasn't. They had to drag her away and she fought with Ducky the entire time to be allowed back in. I left the hospital ahead of schedule against medical advice because I was terrified that she was going to run from me."

Abby stands, and joins McGeek and I on the couch. "She loved you."

"I know." I close my eyes. "Ziva, I owe you an apology." I offer carefully. "I should have told you."

"You weren't ready. In these matters one seldom ever is."

"You're too smart for your own good." I mutter.

"Ha-Makom yenahem etkhem b'tokh sha ar aveilei Tzion vYerushalayim."

I nod. "I have no idea what that means –

"It means –

"Don't tell me. It's a more honest sentiment if you don't tell me what it means."

"You don't have to get over her Tony, you don't have to forget her."

"But I do have to admit that she existed."

Abby grips my hand firmly. "You have to acknowledge that for as short a time as you had with her, you were happy."

"We were that." I admit softly. "We were definitely that."


End file.
